How About a Thank You, Please?

This past week I received two thank you notes.  The first was from a young girl who has “worked” for me the past few years.   She helps me around the house, particularly when we go out of town.  She’s heading off to college in a few weeks, so her job with me ended earlier this month.  She wrote me the nicest note, thanking me for giving her what she said was the best job she had in high school.  The second note was from our nephew’s new wife, thanking us for a wedding gift and for making time to travel to their summer wedding.   She wrote a lovely note, personalizing it just perfectly.   Both notes made me feel so good.  I really appreciated that these young women took the time to express their gratitude. 

I do my best to remember special life events for extended family and friends like new homes or special birthdays with appropriate presents.  Because I’ve lived away from extended family my entire adult life, I don’t make it to very many bridal or baby showers, birthday or graduation parties; I’ve missed several weddings too.  (Conversely, extended family aren’t able make it to these events for me or my family either.)   For those events to which I do receive an invitation, as etiquette requires, I will send a gift. 

I am one of those people who genuinely like shopping for others.  I do my best to select a gift that I sincerely believe the recipient will enjoy and be able to use.  I’ll usually give a money gift for a wedding or graduation because I know that’s what young people appreciate the most.  But for bridal showers or a housewarming, etc. I’ll go to the store and search for just the right present which I will then gift wrap, find the right size mailing box, package the gift securely, and send the gift in time to arrive for the shower/party, etc.

And then sometimes I hear nothing.  No thank you note.  So I wonder: did the gift arrive?  I’ve started using UPS instead of the U.S. Post Office to send my gifts because I can track the shipping of a UPS package online.  It costs much more to send a package UPS vs. U.S. Mail, but at least I have the peace of mind of knowing if a gift reaches its destination. 

And I still often hear nothing from the recipient.

When Emily was a young girl, I would not let her play with a new toy, wear a new outfit, or cash a gift check until she had written a thank you note for the gift.  Before she could write on her own, I would have her draw a picture.   She even had to write notes to immediate family members.  Because we lived out of town, I told her that they went to extra trouble to send her gifts.  Some years we would spend Christmas with family, and she would thank her aunts and uncles in person, and I would let her off the hook for the thank you note those years.  But those were rare occasions.   She now understands the importance of writing a thank you note.  Just recently she received a late graduation gift card in the mail.  That gift card sat on the counter untouched – she knew she couldn’t use it until she wrote the thank you note.

Etiquette requires one to send a thank you note in the following situations:

·         Wedding Gifts

·         Bridal shower and baby shower gifts

·         Holiday, birthday, Bar/Bat mitzvah, graduation, and housewarming gifts

·         Sympathy letters, flowers, mass cards, or donations made in the deceased’s name

Thank-you notes are not necessarily required but are also a nice gesture in the following situations:

·         When a host has treated you to a cocktail party, dinner, or concert

·         After a job interview

·         Anytime you feel particularly indebted to someone

In these days of social networking, texting, and tweeting, etiquette rules can be bent from time to time, even by me!   Recently one of my best friends sent me a video thank you for a birthday gift I sent her, and a picture thank you from her little girl for a gift I sent to her.  Those were perfect.  The gifts were casual, we live far apart, and seeing the video and picture were a great way for us to connect.   Birthday gift giving in person doesn’t necessarily require a written thank you note.  But special, one time life events – when others go out of their way to share in a special day and to acknowledge the event with a special gift – gift recipients needs to sit down with a pen and a note card and write a thank you note.  A thank you note is an expression of gratitude for a thoughtful act or gift. Thoughtfulness should never be taken for granted and should always be acknowledged. Do unto others.
 

This past spring I attended a bridal shower for which I’ve received no thank you note; and two spring wedding gifts have not been acknowledged. One of those wedding gifts was a check, which was cashed, so I know the bridal couple received the gift. According to Weddingpaperdivas.com, bridal shower thank you notes should be sent within two weeks of the event and brides and grooms should wait no more than 6-8 weeks after the ceremony to send their wedding thank you cards. That time has long since passed. It really bothers me that my presence or my presents seemingly weren’t worthy of a personal thank you. I wish it didn’t bother me, but it does.

I won’t stop lamenting about those who don’t express their gratitude with a proper thank you note.  But keep sending me your invitations to your showers, weddings, and graduation parties because I will continue to enjoy the gift giving experience.   .

Just sayin.’

Laurie